Schizophrenic Interactions
First, he praises, then he scolds you for the same action. When he is talking and begins to really get into a topic, he suddenly disappears from your conversation.
If you do come across such a confusing conversationalist, the chances are, you are talking to someone who uses ‘schizophrenic interaction’.
Schizophrenic form of communication disconnects a word from its action, feeling, context and the coherency his speech; there is no unity of speech. This term is inspired by the condition of schizophrenia, where this type of dissonance is present. For example, the distortion of thinking between a situation and its emotion.
Mara Selvini Palazolli and her colleagues highlight the three main traits of schizophrenic interaction in the book “Paradox and Counterparadox: A New Model in the Therapy of the Family in Schizophrenic Transaction.” The traits are the following:
Contradicting messages
People around a person who practices schizophrenic interaction often find it difficult to understand them. They may try hard to appease this person or to get his approval — but to no avail.
For instance to wish your partner with this condition goodnight, is necessary, so he doesn’t get offended and when you greet him “Good morning” the next day, he would answer with “Go away, I do not have time for you.” Of course, this situation is purely hypothetical and hyperbolized.
However, like in the situation above, the conversing party is often left confused. When it comes to this person, you can’t understand what he wants. You get the impression that he doesn’t really want anything, but is doing this just to pick a fight with you. You start to think that he is a bad person and start to dislike him. Despite all, he is completely unaware of his actions and its effects on others.
Constant disqualification of messages
Now, let’s imagine that you were the person in the situation mentioned before. You decide to confront him and find out once and for all, exactly what it is that he wants from you.
– “Why are you angry? Is it because I did not wish you goodnight yesterday?”
– “Do you really think that I want to control your behavior? You can do what you want.”
– “I just want to know how to make you feel better…”
– “Listen, just be the way you are. But, if you cannot understand me, then maybe we shouldn’t be together.”
– “Wait, what are you talking about?”
– “Ah, ‘what am I talking about?’! First you don’t understand me. Then, you blame me for changing the topic? Don’t you respect me at all?”
You often find these dialogues between partners, of which one of them practices schizophrenic style of interaction. It is almost impossible to find out what the person wants, and in the end, you will make that person out to be the ‘bad guy’, for not being able to understand him. The person may even make you the ‘bad guy’ by using your words against you, making you the culprit.
It is important to remember that in conversations, the verbal aspect makes up 30% of the information, while the other 70% consists of your tone of speech, emotional aspect, way of pronunciation and so on. If someone were to take your words out of context in this way, it is easy to make you the culprit for all mortal sins. This may be a useful tip for you, if you choose to practice it.
Impossibility of clear communication
When talking with a partner with affected communication, it feels like your opinions, feelings and wishes aren’t taken into consideration. To him, they simply don’t exist, rather you don’t either. There is only this person who gets offended by everything (if he is in a bad mood) and a second person, you, who is saying something that it is doesn’t really matter in the end.
In the previously stated situation, we can see that the avoidance of discussion and inconsistent conversation is a big problem. One partner wants to talk and come to a mutual understanding, but the other one brutally cuts the conversation short.
How schizophrenic style of communication develops
Within a family or other relationship, this form of interaction may be used intentionally to manipulate the other parties involved. However, most of the people who talk in this way, do it unconsciously and they are truly unaware of their actions.
Often, it is a characteristic of someone who has suffered from cold interactions between parents who don’t consider their wishes, feelings and needs. He doesn’t know that your feelings need to be considered. In fact, it is likely that he doesn’t hear himself and doesn’t even know that he wants you to wish him goodnight before sleeping.
It is difficult not only for the people around such a person, but for him too.
What you can do
The best and most effective way is with the help of psychotherapy. However, there are other options you can consider which do not require money, but you will need to spend with other resources, such as love, acceptance and constant acknowledgement of each other’s feelings. This is vital for the mutual understanding and is the answer to making both parties feel better.
Love cures with time and constant effort. Between couples who feel that they can open up to one another about their needs and feelings, and having them acknowledged, happiness will follow.
text Ilya Blagov
edited by Law Yi Wan, Reshma Durai
